I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize