Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
