Pants 0. Shit 1.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
