she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
