dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize