How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
