hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
