I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
