Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
