just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
