I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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