every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
