1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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