i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
