I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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