ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
