your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
