this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
