Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize