I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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