Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
