She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
