I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
