He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
