I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
