I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
