Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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