I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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