Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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