a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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