I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
