I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
