He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
