i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Randomize
