oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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