Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize