haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
