My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
