Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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