I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
