just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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