'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
