Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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