Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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