Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
