you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
