everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
