Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
