Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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