I just threw up on my dentist
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
