Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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