I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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