the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
