There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
