I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
