Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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