I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
