It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
