She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
