The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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