dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
In America we eat man semen.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
