Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
